We are all familiar with ‘anger’; we have felt in at some point. Whether it was projected in bursts of loud, relentless arguments, or it was a short-lived moment of annoyance.
To be honest, there is absolutely no relationship in this world that progresses without a few arguments. Even the healthiest relationships, be it that of a parent and child, friends, or any other form of relationship that you can think, has a little bit of anger sprinkled in. Often times, the frustration is well-placed, seemingly justified. However, the disrespect in that expression of frustration is not, hence learning how to express your Anger becomes extremely crucial. One wrong phrase, one eye roll, a single act of banging the door or stomping the foot has the power to completely ruin relationships that most people work so hard to build.
When we are Teenagers budding into adulthood, there are so many things that make us angry, sometimes its our friends ignoring us, sometimes it is unnecessary academic stress and sometimes it is ‘So, Have you decided about your future’; whatever the problem may be it is our inability to express that makes the Anger manifold.
There is one thing I have learnt over the years that what we don’t care about when we are young usually bites us when it matters most. I realized this when I saw a friend of mine always in the habit of being stressed, getting angry developed health issues at a very early age. What neither of realized earlier was that Mental or Emotional issues such as anxiety can lead to critical issues like high blood pressure, and undetected cardiac issues in adulthood in addition to malfunctioning relationships and stressed life.
Often times, it may seem easy to simply overlook the root cause of our anger. We feel, we react and then we just move on. While holding on to anger is definitely not a good idea, pent-up anger and frustration gets too much to handle and can take a toll over you mentally, emotionally and even physically as I mentioned above.
One thing that I have understood over years of work with young people and parents is that Anger can’t be dealt with anger. The only way you can manage Anger issues be it an adolescent or someone your age or older, is with logic, understanding, love, and trust. Ask anyone who loses their temper, are they happy to be Angry? No. Well tell me if you disagree but most of us feel helpless and frustrated when we get Angry. Anger often ends with regret or frustration.
The core strategy of how to control anger is to know the cause and source of it. Your ability and maturity to display these traits during tough times is what helps you cope with this very natural emotion in a healthy manner. Being mature has nothing to do with age. Once you learn how to express your Anger, you will be surprised at your ability to handle younger and older people with the same calm and composure.
It might not seem like a big deal at all times but think about all the things you have said or heard during a heated argument. There are going to be things you wish you could take back. Things you wish you knew in that moment so you could take a step back and ‘think’ before you ‘react’. Well I don’t blame you because in a moment of complete rage, it is human for us to lose control over our actions. The only way to tackle this, like any other skill in the world, is practice. Work on your Anger Management skills, take baby steps but get better with every outburst of frustration until you have become that person in the room who always knows how to maintain their calm when everyone else appears to be losing it. And I want to help you here so that you can empower yourself to live a happier life devoid of
When you see yourself losing your temper, the first step is to take ‘SPACE’for yourself, to think things through before you act on them. Ask yourself where your reaction is coming from? What is the other person trying to say? Are you misdirecting your anger at someone? Is the other person possibly misdirecting their frustration? Then ‘TALK’ about it a little later.
After you find yourself feeling calmer and so is the other person, approach them with that calm and composure and talk things out.
Do not use the word ‘anger’, in your conversation, and let them explain calmly while you listen. If while talking, they get aggressive, just tell them you are there to listen. Make a rule to take your time but talk with calm. Let people share things about you they don’t appreciate, then you share the same without outburst or frustration.
Surprisingly when you practice this, you will learn that things that make either of you unhappy can be talked about and discussed in an optimistic manner. Without the need to get aggressive and frustrated.
It follows from the point about acting with calm and composure, that while you are taking space and thinking by yourself or even talking it out, you need to ask yourself the question, “Am I looking the situation rationally, or am I completely blinded by my emotions right now?” It is okay to be overwhelmed with emotions at times, but then you need to realize that and take a step back until you can look at things with more reasoning.
It’s all about asking the right question. Try asking yourself: what is the other person actually trying to say?
Moreover, if you are someone who has influence over the people around you. Whether you are a parent, with your children watching you or an elder sibling or a boss at an organization. Remember that people replicate you, even when you’re not around, your Anger Management skills is no exception. When you exhibit that you can handle situations that cause you frustration and anger with calm, it leaves a positive impact on others.
When you do what you preach, not only do people listen to you better, they also respect you a whole lot more.
Just remember deal Anger/ frustration with rationale instead of emotions.
People make lose remarks all the time thinking it doesn’t matter, if you pay too much attention, they will make you angry, unless you learn to take it easy, what does your logic say- Is it really worth it? Shrug it off and be an example, never speak in rage and say things you’ll regret later.
Situations that anger you are your tests to exercise caution and set the right example. When you develop Self Awareness Mastery it helps you to learn and understand your Emotional trigger traps and identify smart ways to avoid such traps in future.
Many people think walking away from a situation is for the weak…however it takes a lot of strength, control and courage to walk away. Stepping away from the situation that is causing trouble can really go a long way in Anger Management. Remember: not all battles are worth fighting.
Better give them the pain of you walking away, then making them remember words you wish you never spoke
Understanding the importance of walking away from certain situations helps you prioritize your composure over harsh words.
Remember that in all situations you always have a choice and it’s this choice that will define you in the future. Walking away takes much more courage than reacting and showing aggression and engaging in an exchange of unhealthy arguments.
Additionally, learning the art of walking away from situations that bother you is incredibly liberating. It makes people feel less trapped in the situation.
At times, all you actually need is to let off some steam. It could be weeks of long working hours, stress, not taking enough breaks or all of the above that could eventually lead into angry outbursts. Don’t blame yourself for needing time off, you’re only human, instead find healthy ways to do it without hurting yourself or other people in the process.
Watch this video to see how you could let off steam without hurting those who matter.
There are many ways in addition to the above video, For example: engaging in art forms such as pottery, coloring or painting, playing or listening to music, dancing, taking a walk, practicing a sport and the like. These activities might sound simple but their impact is far reaching.
Letting people around you know that you are not in the space of dealing with loved ones and you need cooling time/time off is a much healthier way of dealing with issues that impact us emotionally.
This has the added advantage of getting to learn more about yourself, introspect and even grow and evolve as a mature human being.
Divert your negative, frustrated energy and anger issues in positive artistic places or just write in your journal like Abraham Lincoln guided.You will see that even as you grow up and its years down the line, you will often turn to these places of paradise and maintain your composure as you achieve great things in life.
What distinguishes someone who manages their anger well from everyone else in difficult situations is their ability to take control and change the atmosphere of the room in the blink of an eye.
This is a tip that is super use ful when somebody around you is at their wit’s end and you want to lighten up the situation. But even when you are in an argument yourself and you want to be the one to take things a notch down then this might help.
When you find someone in the middle of an emotional breakdown, try adding some humor and cracking some jokes. Be warned, find fun in the situation not the person. Try to recall similar incidents that happened with you in the past and you ended up being embarrassed and laugh it off.
For instance, if you have children, you are also aware that they look up to you and as they see you making light of even the toughest situations in life, they will learn the art of “taking it easy” as they grow up to be their own person
A challenging situation can always be defused through physical contact.There is nothing in this world that a kiss on the cheek, a gentle hug, showing belief or a simple compliment cannot fix. These tender displays of affection hold the power to get rid of all the negative emotions in the world.
At the end of the day, all your loved ones, be it your spouse, child, friend wants is your presence and when you make an intentional display of affection, they get comforted. Just tell them that things happen in life but at the end of the day, it all gets better. Let them know you are there!
Getting angry is a normal human emotion and it is unreasonable to expect one to completely get rid of their emotion. Even the most evolved adults can sometimes have emotional breakdowns.
We can’t control the numerous events that we go through in life. However, how we respond (and not react) to these situations and how much we choose to work on our Anger Management is what makes all the difference. And this art is applicable not just to children and their personality development but to adults as well. Learning Self Awareness can make you dig deep into your source of anger and emotions and deal with situations much more effectively.
Can you identify which among the mentioned Anger Management strategies you can apply in your life and fix certain issues you face in daily life? Share with us in the comments section below!!